we're chasing vodka with high fives
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
