FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
