Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
