She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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