but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
