about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
