Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
