I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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