I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
