so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
