i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
