Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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