Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
