I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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