Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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