If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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