well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
