I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
