i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize