If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
