We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
