shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
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