Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
