Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
