if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
