When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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