She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't deserve a penis
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
