the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
