I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
