you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
