I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
