just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
