he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
