I think my vagina is haunted
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
