oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you had me at cake vodka
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
