I accidentally burped into my bong.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
