About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
