I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
