she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
