Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
