My Higher Power is John Stamos
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
