He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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