saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
