So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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