I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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