I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
