you guys were way drunker than both of me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
