Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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