Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
