apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize