He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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