i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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