Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
