And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
