woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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