dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
