Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
