69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
