I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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