My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
