there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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