i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
