I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
