why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I party with great urgency now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
