found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
