I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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