i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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