This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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