You made me cry and you don't even care
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
