I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
