There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Congratulations! We have a period
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
