he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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