FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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