I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize