So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
love makes seman taste better
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
