Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
