happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
