For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
