you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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