you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
