u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
