I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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