My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
