the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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