if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
