my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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