I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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